To face the fact, the Bible has a lot of moments where you will stop and ask if this was really necessary. If this is truly a work of God, one question should be made. Is God a good guy or just someone seeking for attention and love? It is like God is one really desperate for attention and love guy, with lots of issues. Show me that you love, and never it is good enough, show me more. Kill your children in order to prove your love, whatever you do-do it for me. I will show you my love or maybe not. God looks like that kind of guy in Bible. One vengeful and not always rightful man, or better to say God. You should always be in fear of him. There are lot of logicality, but after didn’t Tertullian said: ” I believe because it is absurd”? Believe against all reason, to believe things that rational thought tells us are just unreasonable, and to thereby have faith in God. Believe it or not, but here are some of the stories which moral of the story is not easy to read. One of the most bizarre story in the Bible is for sure the one about Jacob and the case of the magical genetics (Genesis 30:37-39).
1. Jacob beats genetics
Basically, the story goes like this: Laban is taking all of Jacob’s beloved striped and spotted cattle. Jacob is left with boring old, plain-coloured cattle, which he doesn’t seem to like at all. So Jacob concocts a cunning plan: he gets some sticks and begins painting stripes on them. He then plants them next to his cattle. What Jacob thinks is that if he gets his cattle to look at the striped sticks while copulating, then they will give birth to striped young. Now, we’d all expect this idiotic plan to fail and Jacob to learn a lesson about something or other, but no it actually works. The cattle give birth to striped young, and Jacob is happy. Now, what is this all about? What is the moral of the story and why is this told?
2. Balaam talking about some philosophy with his donkey
Another weird enough story is about Balaam and his talking donkey (Numbers 22:28-30). Balaam is just minding his own business, beating his donkey, when suddenly he hears a voice. It’s his donkey who is asking him why he is spanking him. Balaam doesn’t seem the least bit miffed that his donkey has starting talking in the same language as him and says, “Because thou hast mocked me.” The donkey then gets philosophical and explains the nature of their relationship and how his feelings have been hurt. Eventually they make peace. Don’t beat animals, because you will end up listening to donkey philosophy!
3. Moses sees the best of God
When appearing for the first time, you want to make the best impression. It is just like taking photos. You will always turn your best side. God also wants to make a good impression, so he is showing his best side. It looks like God is very proud of his backside. (Exodus 33:23)
It is the day when Moses is about to meet God for the first time. You know, God is about to appear in all his glory in front of Moses. Soon the time comes and Moses positions himself on a rock ready to see the divine creator himself. But God backs out at the last minute claiming that no man can see his face and live. However, he has a solution. He will let Moses have a peek at his backside, “And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” This was not something Moses expected, but hey, what the hell, he saw the best of God (in God’s opinion).
4. Jesus burns the fig tree
In this story we see that people are not by themselves when they are hungry. Jesus is not an exception.(Matthew 21:19; Mark 11:13-14)
Jesus is walking from Bethany and he’s feeling hungry. He encounters a fig tree, but unfortunately it is barren as it’s the off season for figs. Annoyed, Jesus demands the fig tree bear him fruit, however the fig tree doesn’t respond (it’s a tree), so Jesus, in an act of uncharacteristic rashness, curses the fig tree to death. This story is bizarre for many reasons, but mainly for how little it means to the Jesus story and how Jesus seems to react so harshly.
5. God is trying to kill Moses
God is never pleased with what you do, even if you are Moses! (Exodus 4:24-26)
God finds out that Moses’s son is circumcised. He gets very mad at him and tries to kill him. God is about to obliterate Moses when his wife Zipporah takes out a flint and quickly cuts the foreskin of his son (ouch), throwing the bloody skin fragment at Moses’ feet. “You are a bloody husband to me!” squeals Zipporah, flint in one hand, child in other. God, clearly freaked out by this woman, backs off and Moses is saved.
6. David is doing everything for love
Before Romeo and Juliet story a true Biblical romance happened. Young David fell in love with Michal. (1 Kings 18:25-27)
David desperately wants to marry Saul’s daughter Michal and offers Saul anything he wants to let him marry her. Michal’s father Saul wants something really odd. He doesn’t want money, gold or anything like that. Saul wants foreskins! He wants 100 of them! Seems legit. David in the name of love goes and kills 200 people to bring foreskins to father of his heart’s desire. He just realizes to late that this guy asked for 100 and not 200, but you know the word, more that merrier and of course he gets her hand!
7. Purpose of this horrible story is unknown
Utterly bizarre story with no moral at all, or I just hope there is no moral at all. (Judges 19:22-30)
A man and his concubine are wandering the streets when they decide to seek shelter for the night, and find a man kind enough to let them stay. That night however, a group of men turn up at the door and demand to see the guest so that they may have sex with him. The owner is unwilling to let his male lodger be raped and so offers up his virgin daughter instead. However, this is still not good enough for the men, so the owner offers them his guest’s concubine and the men accept. The men brutally rape the woman and leave her on the doorstep where she bleeds to death. If that is not enough, when she is found by her husband, he chops her up into twelve pieces which he sends to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.
8. In the words of Monty Python, “Every sperm is sacred…”
No sperm shred and no birth control or the God will kill you. (Genesis 38:8-10)
Onan was given a duty to have sex with his late brother’s wife. Onan is a bit apprehensive at first, but agrees to go through with this bizarre scheme to create a ‘true heir’ to Er. But in the last moment Onan decides to pull out and spill “his seed upon the ground.” God is so irked he decides to kill Onan too, and thus nobody gets an heir.
9. The only left-handed person in Bible
Sneaky assassin is delivering a “message from the God”. (Judges 3:21-25)
Ehud is on a mission to deliver a “message from God” to smarmy King Eglon. I don’t know if for the left-handed stuff or because the King was fat but killing him was not a walk through the park. He pulls out a sword and stabs Eglon in the stomach. At first he can’t get it in, but he pushes harder and eventually reaches his intestine.
10. Eliajh- Man cursed with baldness
Never make fun of bald people, bad things can happen. (4 Kings 2:23-24)
One day he was minding his own business, making the long walk to Bethel, when he is attacked by a roving band of children who tease him with names like “bald head.” But Elijah was having none of this, he turns round and curses them in the name of the Lord, and instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.
As usual, someone misread the Bible and made assumptions without reading the whole story..
Good article, I was surprised how similar no. 7 (Judges 19:22-30) is to Genesis 19, where again, people turn up, though this time to rape 2 angels – the man of the house offers his 2 daughters instead but this doesn’t happen in the end. They all flee and God destroys the city with molton sulphur. Eventually the 2 virgin daughters get their dad drunk and have incest sex with him when he’s passed out in order to carry on the blood line. (I know right)
Also Exodus 21, right after the 10 commandments (you can’t miss it), all the laws on slave ownership, beating them to death is fine, as long as they die after a day or 2 from when you hit them, immediate death is of course morally inexcusable.
If only more “Christians” read the bible, instead of just scrolling all the way down the bottom and hitting “I accept the terms and conditions”.
If the Bible is bullshit why use blatant lies in attempt to prove it?
THOSE OF US GROUNDED IN THE WORD OF GOD CAN SEE THROUGH THESE FALSE STATEMENTS. YOU CATER TO AN AUDIENCE OF IDIOTS AND UNEDUCATED BAFOONS WITH THIS STUFF.
this is how terroriests read the bible……they have no mind ……no enough memory to se the goods only killing and killing and suside
vety good
just another typical case of taking little excerpts from a huge story and trying to make them single stories themselves. Everything in life must be taken into context and not singled out especially when the person is attacking the subject like this author.
and yes, there are abstract weird stories all throughout the bible but it doesn’t make me doubt bc God claimed from day one that he works against the grain of what we consider normal. I mean, he is God and that kind of comes with the package deal, he does what he wants when he wants. Weird things happen all the time on the news that cant be explained but no one doubts that its real.
Get a real job, don’t just wake up and attack truth for a living its a lame way to go out of the earth.
now that the bible is proved still to have some dubious moral passages, isn’t it time the church edited it a little, or subjected it to some proof reading. Last time was some 400 years ago and times were not that well informed then
I hope people do realize it’s been a good 2000+ years, the majority of the Bible was written well before Jesus. Do you honestly think that morals back then should be interpreted the same today? This article gave me a good chuckle, and in all honesty I questioned the Bible way before I read this article. You don’t have to be a terrorist or from another religion to decide that parts of the Bible are fucked up. Honestly, you people say that God is a just and caring God but then you have to fear him at the same time? Doesn’t make sense to me, neither does Christians (not all of them) saying that they treat everyone as equals and then go on and shame people for not being Christian/Catholic. It’s unbelievable how stupid some people are. And no, this isn’t geared towards – all – Christians. There are assholes in every faith and lack of faith.
Why would this site make absolute lies from the bible? Do the authors not read and prove what they are to write. This is terrible and many people who don’t read Gods word will be led astray because of your idiocy. Try the truth for a change!
the no.10 is sligthly inaccurate it was not Elijah who cursed them in the name of the lord but, Elisha who is Elijah’s successor. and no.6 is found in 1Samuel 18:20,25 not 1 kings 18:25-27(because that’s about elijah and the prophets of ball trying to prove he was real by praying louder as they dance and offered a bull around the altar they had built) if you’re gonna make some sort of these (Articles)things at least get your facts straight.
I’m an atheist i don’t have anything against this just.. let’s just respect each other. mmkay? (:
TEEHEE[c]RH
Yes, lets pick up lines from the Bible to make it look funny and all, because then we dont have to read the rest of it where it says stuff such as One shall not kill, one shall not desire things of his neighbours, Homosexuality is a SIN and other thing, no, when we pick up these things like speaking donkey and other, that means that the rest of the Bible is completely wrong
LOL How pathethic, but u know what? Good that u read the Bible, God will reveal himself to you even while u trying to make fun of him, read Acts of the Apostols, ull find the story there… God bless…
Simplified: I am a child of the king in the body of christ. There is only one true living god right hand to the father forever to judge the living and the dead and that is jesus christ the one and only true living god. Basically us faithful believers and dead in spirit non believers. We lost our holy connection because Adam basically used his carnal mind thinking which is an enemy to god. (Romans8) we are now born in sin and must pray to and threw the flesh of god manafested to JESUS CHRIST SO THAT’S HY IF YOU DENY ONE YOU DENY BOTH BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST IS GOD IN THE FLESH SINCE WE LISTENED TO THE FLESH OF A SNAKE AND NOT THE SPIRIT OF GOD. So worship him in truth and spirit not form and tradition because e are the church that’s the house of The Lord so hear hat the spirit says onto your church. Original 1978 kjv only or 1979. This is the devils world 1st jonn and it lyes in wickedness and he and his 1/3 cast down so many have been raised trained in the way to be by the father of lies who knows the word twists it by tonge (snake) so now we see why we must be born again in Christ to grow within his mind. Don’t judge cus only god can or he will blind you and that’s how we have the blind leading the blind into a ditch. Mathew7 as far as the bald man story he could have been in Christ by annoint acne or a prophet there for they teased god. Hello touch not my anointed and harm not my prophets. No weapon formed shall prosper against his anointed. Learn the word because our tongue is an article of god so if its not his word judging outside the body of Christ we form weapons against ourselves cus we have his spirit keeping us breathing. Those who deny Jesus only can wash our sins white as snow so the devil can’t use them against us are antichrist and will clean 6 feet of blood because he does not sleep slumber agree or compromise but he is love holy and solvent and Jesus Christ has ALL POWER OVER HEAVEN AND EARTH BUT GOD GIVES THE INCREASE. Basically we gave a lot of our will to the devil by disobeying god and he is no lier but he refuse to lower himself. He is alpha omega and knows all so that’s why Jesus said let us in the beginning he was always god in flesh and will be back. Every ear, eye, and knee shall bow and god said trus no man so who is Jesus Christ but god. Amen. You must confess you sins (Hebrews 13.8). And much more or your fake to the power of Christ in yourself so no wonder why you don’t understand the spirit only the letter because your father is the father of this world and our faith lies in Jesus Christ and comes by hearing the true word or bears no affect. I’ve lived it unlike many pastors who preach their own heart when it supposed to be line on line preset on preset so go to church and drink milk then pray correctly read and eat meat. We are ALL as a common gift. Gala thins. Amen I love to be used by the Holy Ghost to preach life amen. MATHEW 10. So Jesus bless. The Lord laughs down.
i can bs about christianity all he want and know that he can sleep at night safely cuz christians don’t go and assassinate him. let’s see him bs about muslim, he will need to fled the country to avoid them from finding him. it’s God’s love and mercy that you can bs all you want and be safe.